No One Said We're Responsible Adults
by FlyingCupcakeBrigade
Summary: Dave and John have the house to themselves for the day. Any normal couple would probably take advantage of that, and John and Dave aren't an exception. They just spend their day in an unlikely way. JohnDave


**Author's Note: **I should really just start calling all my stories a series. That's kind of what they've become. I am not sorry. Anyway, I've gotten some requests for stories with their adoptive daughter (Casey, surprise, surprise) and this one has a little bit of her in it! Anyway, reviews and going back to read my other stories are both appreciated!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Homestuck. It all belongs to Hussie.

"John."

"What?"

"Please tell me I'm seeing this wrong."

"Well, what are you seeing?"

"I'm seeing you sitting fully clothed in your bathtub with stuffed penguins all around you."

John nodded and looked around himself. "Yeah, you're seeing that right. That is definitely a thing I am doing."

Dave pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned against the sink. "Why, Egbert, are you doing that?"

"I thought it would be fun," John answered simply. "And guess what Dave. It is fun. Also, what did I tell you about calling me Egbert?"

"You are literally just sitting there. There's no way sitting in a pile of penguins is fun." Dave shook his head and crossed his arms. "You're insane. Also, you told me to stop calling you that because your last name is Strider now. But guess what John. I don't care." Well, that and it gets confusing. He was just going to stick with Egbert for now.

John huffed dramatically and stepped out of the tub. "Nonbeliever." He grabbed Dave's arm and pulled him closer to the tub. "Just try it! I promise you'll like it!"

"No, only you would like something as insane as that," Dave drawled with a blank face. John pushed him a bit. "Fine, I'll sit in the stupid tub, jeez."

John grinned and let go of Dave's arm, letting him get into the tub on his own. He watched as he sat down in the penguin pile. "Dave, you need to lighten up a bit," he said, referring to Dave's completely blank face.

Dave looked up at John and picked up one of the penguin dolls. "I do not. I have just as much fun as any other person." As if to prove his point, he snuggled the penguin in his hands and leaned back against the others.

"Well, then, you need to show it more," John announced, sitting on the edge of the tub. "Maybe if you smiled every once in a while..."

Dave rolled his eyes. "I don't know how to smile," he informed sarcastically.

"I'll teach you," John offered enthusiastically. He knew the other was being sarcastic, but that wasn't going to stop him now.

"No, John, don't do whatever you're thinking of doing." Dave tried to back away, which was a very useless thing to try considering he was in a bathtub.

"No, it'll be fun! You just," John started, putting his hands on Dave's cheeks, "lift your lips at the corners!" He pushed Dave's cheeks up to get his mouth to comply and grinned down at him. "See it isn't that hard!"

Dave tried to fight him off, hitting him with the stuffed penguin. He mumbled, his words muffled, "Egberhf, leff me go."

John laughed and shook his head. "Not until you smile on your own! And it has to be a real smile, not a fake one!"

"Fine," Dave whined as he batted away John's hands. He ran his tongue over his teeth before smiling at the other.

John shook his head again. "It's too forced."

"You're never going to be satisfied, are you?"

"No, probably not," John admitted. "That's why you've got to try harder!"

Dave rolled his eyes. "Maybe if you did something funny…"

"Or I could tickle you," John said off-handedly as he slipped into the tub with Dave.

"Nope. That's not a thing that's going to happen." Dave pulled his legs up to his chest, hoping to keep away the other's offending fingers.

"Then what am I supposed to do, Dave," John asked as he threw a penguin at Dave's face.

Dave looked at John, shocked, and threw a penguin back at him. "I don't know, Egbert. Maybe if you dressed up like a clown you'd be funnier."

"Clowns are creepy Dave. Don't even joke about that." Despite his warning, John was grinning. He threw the penguin back at Dave.

Dave shrugged and caught the penguin, the corner of his mouth twitching. "Better than puppets." He picked up another penguin and threw them both at John.

John wasn't expecting another penguin to be coming at him. It ended up hitting him square on the face. He looked at Dave with a blank face. "Rude, Dave."

Dave smirked. "Nice catch, nerd," he teased.

"You're not as smooth and cool as you try to be, Dave." John stuck his tongue out childishly.

"Nope," he agreed, smirking. "I'm way cooler than I try to be. You should take some notes."

"If being cool means not smiling, I'm good being a nerd." John threw the two penguins back at Dave.

"I'm telling you, man, I'd smile if you did something funny. Maybe let me hit you with another penguin," Dave suggested.

John stared at Dave for a long while before asking, "Would that really work?"

Dave snorted and shook his head. "Why do you even want me to smile so badly?"

"I don't know. Because I like when my friends are happy and I don't always know when that is with you, I guess," John confessed.

"Yeah, you don't really have to worry about me not being happy around you, John." Dave rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, looking away.

"But you're always so," John paused, thinking of a word, "stoic."

"I'll work on it," Dave promised. He stuck his hand out for John to shake, as if sealing the deal.

John smiled and shook his hand. "I'll hold you to that, Strider."

"Just don't tickle me." Dave smiled lopsidedly at John. "Anything but that."

John grinned, crawled through the penguins, and flopped on top of Dave. "No promises," he chimed.

"So I smiled, and you don't even notice," Dave huffed dramatically, turning his face away.

John nuzzled his nose against Dave's cheek. "I noticed! That's why I'm being all cuddly," he defended. "I'm rewarding you."

Dave quirked an eyebrow and looked at John. "What do I have to do to earn a kiss?"

John waggled his eyebrows like Dave is so fond of doing. "Surprise me."

"Well, I can't do that now." Dave rationalized, "You're expecting it."

The brunette shrugged. "Then I guess you aren't getting a kiss."

He started to pull away from Dave, only to be pulled back in. "I love you," Dave said softly.

John wasn't falling for it, though. "Nope. Not getting a kiss."

Dave looked mock-offended. "But you don't love me too?"

"Well, yeah. Of course I do, Dave." He leaned forward to lay on Dave. "But you still don't deserve a kiss."

"I think I deserve all the kisses."

"If you impress me," John said, "I'll kiss you."

"Or I can just kiss you," Dave offered, leaning forward to steal a kiss. John allowed it for a while, kissing back softly. Dave broke away eventually. "So I win."

John shook his head. "But I didn't kiss you."

"You kissed back," Dave pointed out.

"Which is different than initiating the kiss," John countered.

"So you're saying I can initiate all the kisses I want," the blonde clarified. John nodded. "Good to know."

"Yeah, but you're trying to get me to kiss you. It's still different."

Dave shook his head. "You're so full of bullshit, Egbert."

"Makes me wonder why you're in love with me," John teased, looping his arms around his husband's shoulders.

"It's that damn Egbertian charm. Striders just can't resist it," Dave answered.

John bit his lip and thought for a moment. "You aren't implying there's something going on between my dad and your bro, are you?" He didn't really want to know the answer.

Dave shrugged and shifted down so he could rest his head against the penguins. "All I'm going to say," he started, "is that the thought crossed Bro's mind."

"Dave, no," John said as he looked at Dave, slightly horrified. "You're lying."

Dave shook his head and wrapped his arms around John's waist. "Wish I was."

John buried his face in Dave's chest. "I cannot," he mumbled into the fabric of his shirt. "Make it stop, Dave."

"How do you expect me to do that?" Dave had a couple things in mind to fix that.

"I don't know; just do something," John said simply, his words muffled.

Dave lazily lifted John's face and kissed him deeply, his eyes slipping shut. He kept his hand on John's cheek, urging him out of his shocked state as John's eyes closed as well. He wrapped his arms tighter around Dave's neck and kissed back, fully intent on forgetting what Dave said. Dave brought him closer and tilted his head to deepen the kiss further. John's hand ran down the side of Dave's neck to his shoulder, gripping his shirt.

John pulled away a minute later. He was almost dazed. That was, honestly, one of the best kisses they'd shared in a while. Well, all the kisses were nice, but that one was really nice. John looked at Dave's face, taking in the slight flush and his half-lidded eyes. That's his favourite part of kissing Dave: what he looks like right after.

Dave pecked John's lips a few more times. He would be content any day to just sit somewhere with John and kiss him, as cheesy as that sounds. He figured John would feel the same since he certainly never complains when he kisses him. It's almost a nice change, he thought, to be the one initiating all the kisses. He felt a sense of control and he liked it. Maybe John feels it too when he starts a kiss with Dave.

Eventually John couldn't take it any longer. It was nice to have Dave start the kisses, but he was tired of this pecking nonsense. Couldn't he tell he was ready for some sloppy make outs? Apparently not.

John moved his hand back on the side of Dave's neck and looked into his eyes. "You've earned it," he said softly before pressing his lips against Dave's. He caught him off guard, and soon after Dave pulled back.

"I knew you wouldn't be able to resist," he quipped, smirking.

"Shut up, Strider," John warned. For emphasis, he bit down gently on Dave's lower lip.

"Or you could make me," Dave said, his voice low.

John smiled and captured Dave's lips again. He kissed him deeply, putting all his emotions and love behind the kiss. He kneaded the side of his neck in just the way he knew Dave loved and nipped lightly at his lower lip. Yes, John was in control now and Dave was practically at his mercy. That didn't seem to sit well with Dave, though, as he fought to gain some control back. He ran a hand up John's spine slowly, feeling him arch against him, and forced his tongue into John's mouth.

He was met with little resistance as he took further control of the kiss. His tongue swiped leisurely across John's. A soft, needy sound came from the back of John's throat as Dave's tongue swirled around his. This went on for a while before the need to breathe became too much.

"Dave, we just made out on a pile of penguins in a bath tub," John realized a few minutes after they parted.

"Where even did we get all these penguins?"

"Penguins are Casey's second favourite animal," John reminded.

"Right, Casey," Dave said distractedly.

John looked at Dave, incredulous. "You didn't forget about her, did you?"

"It's kind of hard to not forget things when you're having sloppy make outs with your husband," Dave chuckled.

"But she's our daughter, Dave!" John started to pull away from him. He wasn't actually mad at him, but it was always fun to see his reaction when he thought he was.

"She's also the reason we haven't made out in forever. Or had sex." Dave wrapped his arms tightly around John's waist, not letting him escape. "Speaking of our daughter, where even is she?"

"We let Dirk watch her today, remember?" He relaxed against Dave's chest.

"That was a pretty stupid decision."

"Dirk is completely capable of watching children, Dave. I mean, he did raise you after all!"

"Yeah, raised me."

"Dave."

"Well, all I'm saying is that no one said we're responsible adults." Dave shrugged.

John furrowed his brow and looked at Dave. "But, Dave, the adoption company said we're responsible adults."

"They saw us on a good day," Dave said, sitting up and bringing John with him. "If they knew we would put all of Casey's stuffed penguins in a bathtub, sit on them, and make out while she was with a puppet loving ninja freak, they never would have let us adopt her."

"Well, it's a good thing they'll never know that," John said matter-of-factly. "Now we should get ready for dinner. Dad's coming over."

Dave let John get up and followed lazily after. "This will be an interesting dinner," he said off-handedly.

John tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

"I invited Bro over," he answered.

"Dave," John said warningly. "You're making that up, right?"

"Nope." Dave started picking up the penguins, ignoring the look John was giving him.

"Oh god." It was never a good idea to invite Dirk Strider over for dinner. It was an even worse idea to invite him the same night John's dad was over for dinner. "This is going to be a mess," he said forlornly as he picked up a few penguins.

"It'll be fine," Dave said, walking out of the bathroom and into Casey's room. "Your dad will love it."

"Dave, we can't have them over at the same time," John whined, following Dave.

Dave shrugged and started arranging the penguins around Casey's room. "Too late."

"Dave, don't you remember the last time we all had dinner together," he asked as he, too, started putting away the penguins.

Dave snorted, "Yeah. That was fun."

"No, Dave," John disagreed. "There were puppets and cakes stuck to the walls. Every time one of us tried to open a door we'd be ambushed by plush and frosting."

Dave grimaced. "Yeah, but they were here for a whole day then." They finished putting away the penguins and walked out of Casey's room. "Now they won't have the time to set up traps and pranks."

"No, they'll have time," John said pessimistically. "Or they'll make time."

"John," Dave said flatly.

"Dave," John replied, mimicking Dave's tone.

"I'll help you clean this time," he promised as they walked into their bedroom.

John smiled. "I'll hold you to that."

They changed in silence before going downstairs to make dinner. They were making Chinese, which was, oddly enough, John's dad's favourite. Dirk, while he preferred Japanese, was sure to enjoy the meal too. Casey could be another story, though. She had a pretty limited food pallet before John and Dave adopted her. John was determined to expand on the foods she liked and this would be her first time trying Chinese food.

Dirk and Casey arrived shortly after John and Dave started working. Not many people would guess, but Dirk was almost always the first one to arrive anywhere. He claimed it was ironic considering his lazy appearance.

"There are the love birds," Dirk chimed as walked into the kitchen carrying Casey on his shoulders.

John looked over his shoulder to smile at the older Strider. "Hi Dirk! How was Casey?"

Dirk slipped Casey off his shoulders. "She was the best behaved little princess the whole day."

Dave turned around to stare at his brother. "That thing?" He gestured to the blonde girl that was his daughter. "A princess? That's not even a little bit close," he teased, earning a smack to the back of the head from John. "All I'm saying is she's more of a witch." That earned him another smack.

"Get back to work," John said with a smile.

Dirk smirked and strolled over to Dave. "Yeah, little man. Listen to your wife and get back to work."

John rolled his eyes but otherwise ignored Dirk's comment. He kneeled down and opened his arms to Casey. "Was uncle Dirk nice to you today, Casey," he asked as she ran over and hugged him around his neck.

"No he was the worst uncle ever and you shouldn't make me go back ever again," Casey answered, grinning.

"Dave what have you been teaching our daughter," John asked, referring to Casey's childish sarcasm.

Dave walked over and picked Casey up, swinging her around. "I haven't been teaching her anything," he replied too innocently. Casey giggled as if he just told the funniest joke ever.

John rolled his eyes. "As long as she doesn't make a habit out of it," he warned as he went back to fixing dinner. "Now go get ready for dinner, Casey. Grandpa's coming over tonight and you need to look like a proper lady."

He and Casey laughed at that as Dave set her down. She scuttled off to her room to change and brush her hair. Dirk sat on top of the kitchen table and stared at the back of John's head.

"So the old man's coming," he asked, trying too hard to sound uninterested.

Dave bumped against John as he got back to work. John nodded, ignoring whatever Dave was trying to communicate to him. "Yeah, he'll be over soon. Also, get off the table. Just because you don't eat like a normal human, doesn't mean we're the same way."

"It's creepy how you don't even have to turn around to know shit like that, Egbert," Dirk said as he slipped into a chair.

Dave snorted. "He's a born mother. His hair is only so messy because it's hiding the eyes in the back of his head. Also, you were the same when I was younger."

John shook his head, smiling. "Whatever, Dave. You love my hair."

"Yeah," Dave agreed. "But I hate the eyes in the back of the head."

There was a knock at the door and Dirk got up eagerly to get it. "I got it," he announced as he left the kitchen.

Dave stared after him before turning to John, who was now working over the stove. "I told you."

"Oh my gosh, Dave, shut up. Maybe he's just being a nice guest."

The blonde snorted. "No, he's hitting on your old man."

John looked at Dave over his shoulder. "Just do something productive."

"I think getting you to realize the obvious bo-" John cut off whatever he was about to say.

"You remember that one time I made you sleep on the couch because you were being a douche," he asked quietly, receiving a nod in return. "I'm about to do that again."

That effectively shut Dave up and got him back to work. Shortly after, John's dad, carrying Casey, and Dirk walked back into the kitchen. John turned his head to smile at his dad.

"Dinner's almost ready," he announced.

"Do you need any help with the rest," Dave asked as he came to stand next to John, his hand on the small of his back.

"Nope," John answered. "All that's left is to let it finish cooking." After a beat, he added, "But can you get out the plates and stuff?"

Dave nodded and did as requested. He ignored both the approving look he received from the elder Egbert and Dirk's teasing comment about how domestic they were. A few minutes after Dave finished setting the table for the five of them, John was serving the finished meal.

Their dinner conversation was mostly filled by Casey and Dirk animatedly telling stories about their day. The other three knew they were probably greatly exaggerating each story, but they acted like they didn't for Casey. At one part, Dirk even got up and tried to recreate a scene in their story.

After they presumably ran out of stories, Dad Egbert asked Dave and John, "So what did you two do all day?"

They looked at each other. John's eyes were a little wider than usual and Dave was chewing slower than he normally would have. "Well," John began.

"I worked a bit on a new track for that album," Dave cut in. He actually did work on that before he found John in the bathtub.

John nodded. "And I cleaned the bathroom," he offered.

"That's all," Dirk asked disbelievingly. "The whole day to yourselves and you spent it working?"

"Well, we watched a movie, too," John quickly covered.

"Yeah," Dave agreed. "One of those chick-flicks Karkat sent for Christmas."

Dirk raised an eyebrow at the couple before exchanging a short look with John's dad. They obviously knew they were lying. For Casey's sake, they let it drop for the moment. She probably didn't need to know what they did, anyway.

They finished their meals and John sent Casey off to take a bath. Dirk and Dad turned to look at the others. Dirk smirked and leaned against Dad, his arm over his shoulders.

"So," they drawled at the same time.

"Well," John said, avoiding the subject, "I should clean the table."

"John," Dirk said shortly.

"It's not going to clean itself," John said, not acknowledging Dirk. "Dave, you can clean the counters."

Dave nodded and got up to get a washrag. "Will do."

"You know you'll tell us eventually, son," Dad said, watching the two start cleaning.

"Yeah," Dirk agreed. "You should just tell us now… Or we could force it out of you, if you'd rather." He smirked.

"Nope, not telling," Dave said decisively.

John, however, was much more reluctant to refuse. They had a point and he really didn't want to deal with another prank session from his dad and Dirk. Eventually he sighed and said, "I sat in the bathtub all day and Dave joined me for some of it." Dave stared at John, mouth slightly agape. It was useless to try to stop him now. "And we ended up kissing. A lot."

"You were just sitting in a bathtub," Dirk asked after a few moments, not believing that story.

"He had Casey's penguins to keep him company," Dave added. "But yeah, just sitting there."

Dad covered a smile with his fist as Dirk didn't even try to hide his amusement. "You made out in a tub with your daughter's stuffed penguins around you?"

"Pretty much, yeah." John didn't even pretend to clean the table.

"We never claimed to be responsible adults," Dave said, exchanging a smile with John.


End file.
